The Limey Report » producer

Mr. Bruckheimer’s Special Offer

thelimey — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:02:11 +0000

In keeping with today’s theme of shopping, the Hollywood Reporter brings us a perfect portrayal of just how irreparably woolly Hollywood’s grasp on reality has truly become. The Stock Market’s in free-fall, Hedge Funds are imploding and Foreclosures are almost a national blight. So what do you suppose is in post-production at Disney? A movie in praise of that deluded consumerist, the incurably dim Shopaholic.

Based on the novel by Sophie Kinsella, the film concerns a novice reporter with a penchant for writing but no head for figures, who’s $9,000 in debt on her plastic and still can’t seem to stop shopping. But it also delivers two unplanned surprises; 1) It’s from the Jerry Bruckheimer stable – the creative collective that launched Mr. Depp’s Pirates and turned Tom Cruise into a NASCAR geek, and 2) There are no product-placements involved.

Even accepting the fact that Hollywood’s best war-maker is now arming his leads with gold-cards, not Glocks, the absence of commerce is a sizable shock. The lead character spends a lot of her time [and even more un-earned income] at Bendel’s…yet the store has no links with the movie at all. She also wears Zac Posen in numerous scenes, but it was apparently just picked at random from wardrobe; And the absence of linkage just goes on from there.

This is either the nascent bloom of more considerate cinema, or the first creative PR in modern Hollywood times. Movies cost money and a plot like this should be ‘All-You-Can-Eat’ dining for the marketing staff. But apparently, that’s not the case.

Mr. Bruckheimer is not famous for such benign fare, but should this start a trend I may well be a fan.

Photo by Fictures

Good TV? It Depends…

thelimey — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 18:57:14 +0000

In yet another endeavor to cement its position as the television network for those who think cardigans are cutting-edge fashion, CBS has announced plans to add ‘mini-shows’ between their real shows.

I’m not sure what those in charge at ‘the Eye’ are inhaling to form an idea so creatively obtuse, but I want 10lbs of it…Now!

The logic appears to be that their Advertisers are scared of the DVR, so in a bid to persuade you a commercial isn’t really a commercial at all they’re going to run mini-shows during the breaks, featuring Lara Spencer cooking an advertiser’s product while gossiping about the ongoing show.

The objective is clearly to increase sales. And can you guess whose sales will increase the most? Depends!

On the rare occasions when American television produces a show aimed above the IQ of wool, people wait for the break to adjourn to the bathroom. If we’re now to experience endearing young ladies sharing down-home cooking and fireside scoop, every non-gay male in that show’s demographic will collapse in incontinent torment.

I’m sure Ms. Spencer is charming and gifted, but this is, at the least an ill-conceived move. People use DVR’s because they’re sick of incessant adverts that ruin the shows. If you paint the ads to look like a show, people will skip those as well. Then what are you planning to do??

Like the other networks, CBS clearly needs to cut costs and raise income in the current economy. My suggestion would be to stop sipping whatever flavor of Kool-Aid makes you think it takes eleven producers, earning six-figures a year to make 22-minutes of television that’s so insipid, the only laughter it causes is done by machine. If any of you have some budget ideas, I’m sure CBS would be delighted to hear them. Join in, leave a comment and let’s chew this over.

Photo by: Midweek Post

This Man Should Run NBC !

thelimey — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:15:00 +0000

In an interview that appears today on Forbes.com, ten-time Emmy Award-winner Steven Bochco becomes the latest witness to Network greed. He’s decided to take his new drama series, “Raising the Bar,” to the cable station TNT, instead of to one of the Nets.

Mr Bocho accuses the Networks of devolving into purveyors of programming he has no interest in providing. In other words, “Reality” series. He also tells Forbes that the Nets are obsessed with micromanaging every detail of a production…which comes as no surprise at all.

From the man who was largely responsible for “Hill Street Blues,” “L.A. Law,” “NYPD Blue,” and a string of other top-rated shows that earned the very same networks millions in ad revenues, this is a damming indictment of the state of America’s broadcast media. The sad part, however, is: 1) How unarguably right his view is, and 2) The total absence of anyone in a similar position with the courage to agree, or even speak out at all.

I mean, when was the last time you watched a quality program on a broadcast network?

Let’s say it: American television is about money. First, last and only. Not shows, not quality, and certainly not the audience – Just the dollars. And as Mr. Bochco has proven, it shows. They make intellectual chewing gum for an audience they believe possess the IQ of wool, crush any spark of originality or creativity out of it with obsessive over-management, then infest it with commercials to make as much cash as possible.

…Then they wonder why people don’t watch??

The Summer hiatus is over and so are the Games. The ‘Fall’ season could be the Nets’ chance to repent and refocus their priorities. What do you think — Will they recant and finally show us – the audience – some respect, or will they just go on as before?

Leave a comment and let’s take a poll…

Will the NBC worker please raise their hand !

thelimey — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:24:00 +0000

Product placement and over-staffing are hurdles for TV Producers and creators as they work on creating extensions of the original shows. So says Tim Kring, the EP and boss of NBC’s “Heroes” who was chatting on Wednesday at the NATPE jaw-fest in Hollywood.

“At NBC you have this giant corporate, vertically integrated company….The digital division had seven people, and three weeks later there were 67.” he explained. “What happened was 67 people all wanted to feel they are controlling this…You throw a bit of sponsorship and product placement into the mix and you have a recipe for all kinds of problems!”

We know, Tim – we’ve all seen the train-wreck. Like every other network, NBC is infested by a vast litany of people with designer suits, meaningless titles and no creative flair whatsoever, each drawing six-figure salaries for amounts of work no sane person could find with a microscope, and all unshakably convinced that anyone who meets them should be driven to incoherent adoration by their every slightest thought.

The result is televisual oatmeal. Mediocre programs that wouldn’t engage the intellect of a mannequin, each bloated with commercials to pay for all this dead-weight. The viewers – who should be your first and over-riding concern – reject this insult to their worth and intelligence in droves, and your Network scores the lowest ratings in the history of the medium.

…Yet nothing changes, and no-one gets fired.

One day, someone in charge of a network will overcome this narcissistic myopia, extract their lips from the advertisers rectums and start making shows to please the audience for a change. But if nobody minds, I won’t hold my breath.

Adding Insult to Ignominy

thelimey — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:33:00 +0000

From the files of The Department of Things That Make You Go, “Duh!”…comes the startling news that viewers are giving Network Television the finger. In droves! Ratings for all the major networks are in free-fall as viewers tune to other stations to avoid the incessant and patronizing commercials.

And what does a major player like, say, NBC do to recover? They add more commercials!

The November 15th episode of “30 Rock,” featured Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey in a gossamer-thin sham of profit-driven, tub-thumping for a cellphone company, dressed up to look like part of the show.

The company responsible admits it paid NBC for the chance to treat 8-million people like sheep. And it’s not even the first time that you, dear reader, have been treated as a marketable commodity to be exploited for profit. They used you before in 2006, in return for a nice, fat check from a soft-drink company.

To her credit, at the end of this reprehensible charade Ms. Fey looked straight at the camera and asked, “Can we have our money now?”

Up to November 18th, 30 Rock committed this disrespectful insult against you a total of 142 times, with almost 15 minutes of commercial content — And that’s in addition to all the ads you’re supposed to endure in the breaks!

The worst offender, however, is “The Office.” In the first four weeks of last season the Producers sold out their audience by adding commercial pitches to the scripts so they could make extra profits. The last season — and with any luck, it will be! — included 2.5-hours of greed-induced placements.

Exactly what do we need to do to enlighten the suits who run American networks that treating the Audience, a body of people whose voluntary involvement make the entire industry possible – and vastly profitable – like whores, to be pimped to the Advertisers is not a sane policy to reverse this predictable, and entirely self-inflicted decline? Their precious ratings are falling, and this avaricious exploitation is a major reason why.

Perhaps we should run a commercial?? But they’d probably just change the channel…

Hail to the Chief !

thelimey — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:07:00 +0000

Yesterday, thousands of Writers marched down Hollywood Boulevard to protest what their bosses would call ‘slave wages’ if the same numbers were found in their salaries. Now a group called “Film LA,’ whose job it appears to be to know these things has determined that the Strike could cost the city more than $20m a day in lost revenue if it’s allowed to drag into next month.

The WGA dispute, plus an increasingly likely walkout by Writers at CBS News is even starting to affect the Presidential campaign: Senator John Edwards was due to appear on that menopausal melange popularly known as ‘The View,’ but he canceled as he was unwilling to cross the lines at ABC’s studios. Senators Clinton and Obama are also making it clear they’d be a no-show at CBS’s Presidential debate if the Writers at CBS News are forced to follow WGA members into picket line limbo.

“These workers are making a simple request for their fair share of the huge profits being made by multinational media corporations,” said Senator Edwards. “Until those settlements are reached, I will stand firmly with them in their fight for a better life.” he was quoted as saying.

I knew there was a reason I liked this guy!

The Writers at CBS News have been working for pitiful rates, without any formal contract for almost three years and Senator Clinton has said she’ll honor the picket line if they needed to strike. Senator Obama has declared a similar stance. The suits at CBS must be almost incandescent with frustration??

There are two possible outcomes from the Candidates decisions; 1) Now their future President has called them on it, those in charge at CBS and the other Nets could finally gain at least the vaguest outline of a clue and resume negotiations…or 2) The unexpected slight and implied derision from those who favor the Donkey will cause the bosses donations to the GOP to quadruple overnight.

One of these events will be a good thing….You decide.

WGA v The Followers of Janus…

thelimey — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 21:36:00 +0000

In case anyone’s lost the plot, the core of this strike is a requirement by the WGA to finally get some long-overdue reward from the $-billions being made by the six corporations that control the majority of American media. The Nets claim there’s no money in Internet and cellphone streams, and they’ll share whatever they find at some undetermined point in the future.

But when they talk to the Shareholders, these same corporate suits are claiming profits in millions and gleefully assuring them that tons more easy money is on the way.

…Did I miss a memo or is somebody here getting lied to?

Anyone who’s run a major business will tell you the first rule is to keep your Shareholders happy, but this smacks of malfeasance. They tell the Shareholders there’s so much profit they can’t spend it all, while at the same time donning sackcloth and ashes to tell the Writers they’re broke and couldn’t possibly find another dime.

This to the people who make the whole industry – and their own fat salaries – possible?!

As I see it, the Nets can’t win: Lie to the Writers and the strike continues, and your precious profits land in the toilet…Fast! But lying to the Shareholders? That’s fraud. And that wins you a bespoke orange jumpsuit.

Either way, they’re trapped; If the Internet and cellphone markets are the vast ocean of green of which they’re assuring the Shareholders this entire strike was caused by boundless, disingenuous greed, perpetrated to steal from the Writers to pad the bottom line and inflate their own related bonuses.

If, however – and I severely doubt this could be the case — the claims of poverty are the truth, the Shareholders are backing a group of such staggering collective stupidity they remain utterly unable to define a single way to profit from the greatest technological advance in the medium since the arrival of Satellite.

Once this inexorable truth was revealed, of course, the Shareholders would leave, their investment would leave and the Networks would collapse overnight.

The bosses have no honorable choice but to apologize for this premeditated deceit, and either the Writers or the Investors need to get the truth. Now.

Would any of you care to bet on how soon that’s likely to happen??

WGA – Day 5….TGIF !!

thelimey — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 22:09:00 +0000

After yesterday’s malevolent demands by the AMPTP that every word a Writer has even contemplated committing to paper belonged to them and must be surrendered immediately or incur a Fatwah, we reach another low-point in the course of any strike; The Opportunists.

The picket lines on the East Coast are rapidly becoming clogged and in dire need of red carpets as a positive barrage of celebs arrive to….er, ‘show their support.’ In the last four days, Time Warner’s offices in NYC have played host to such luminaries as Tim Robbins, the cast of Law & Order and SNL, Meg Ryan, David Hyde Pierce and many others. Here on the Western front we’ve savored the presence of Ms. Patricia Heaton, Ray Romano, several of the troupe from Betty, members of the staff at General Hospital and a cast of….well, dozens!

Far be it from me to suggest the motivation for such overt validation of the Writers cause might just be the intense media interest and the proximity of dozens of cameras and reporters, all eager to bestow your merest utterance upon the waiting world; Nor would I even dream of implying this sudden, ardent desire to visit the trenches might have anything to do with cleansing one’s karma by feigning solidarity with a group who earn less in a year than you do in a day, yet work 100-times harder.

But remember, these are Actors – they’re [over]paid to do things that aren’t real. A few are even good at it!

There was also the predictable appearance by a black Minister from North Carolina. But the less said about that disingenuous narcissist, the better.

On a positive note, several Actors have shown selfless support for those on the lines – ER’s John Stamos told reporters that several members of the show’s cast will help their Writers cover car and mortgage payments. John Stewart has also made it known he’ll be helping the Writers from his own resources while they can’t work. That is the kind of support they deserve, not the self-serving opportunism that’s clearly motivating so many of their new ‘friends.’

The Writers’ cause is fair and just, but the stupidity and greed of their opponents compelled them to extreme action and may yet induce even greater hardship before a settlement is even considered. The Networks’ contract with the DGA expires in June and whatever deal is made now will be used as a guide in those discussions; If the Networks attempt the same intransigence with the Directors their whole industry could grind to a halt. They need to realize they’ve had it far too good for far too long, and it’s time to pay the bill.

The Writers deserve decent pay and a fair resolution, and the option to ignore that is fast running out.

WGA – Day 4. The Knives come out…

thelimey — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 21:24:00 +0000

This should be titled, “Mediation Won’t Work…So Let’s Try Fear”…

Members of the Western arm of the WGA whose unproduced scripts were shopped or bought by a Studio now have until tomorrow [Friday] to give those scripts to the Union for their ‘Script Validation’ program. This is an attempt to keep track of possible rogue writers, and trace any work that might break the strike.

As one might expect, the AMPTP is handling the matter with all the restrained dignity of a grenade with the pin missing…In short, they’re having a super-annuated cow!

Their response was a positive blizzard of “Cease and Desist” orders, trying to get the scripts into their [ahem!] ‘safe keeping.’ The WGA ignored their demands so the AMPTP sent doom-laden letters direct to the WGA’s members, threatening everything short of eternal damnation if scripts written under contract were not immediately surrendered to them. The Guild promptly filed a complaint about this intimidation with the Labor Relations Board, and it was stopped. But what will take its place is a very good question.

The WGA can’t ‘force’ the Writers to obey, but so far hundreds of scripts have already been delivered to their offices. The results of such mass defiance have yet to appear but you can bet the AMPTP are already employing every available grain of guile and cunning to sink the strike so no-one but them gets a decent, living wage. Studio executives are obscenely rewarded for an amount of work you couldn’t find with a microscope. But they want you to believe the Writers are greedy.

In 2006, an average Writer earned $200-300k. Leslie Moonves [the boss of CBS] earned $28-million. You do the math!

WGA – Day II…Already it’s a Sequel!

thelimey — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 03:28:00 +0000

It seems the Writers strike is already bearing some fruit. First, the Producers are getting worried [That's good.] Second, some of the most mediocre examples of the television medium will fade to re-runs as their scripts disappear. ‘Desperate Housewives,” “Back to You,” “‘Til Death,” “Two and a Half Men,” “Old Christine,” and others will all be put on ‘pause’ for the duration of the strike; So we could be free of them for as much as 22-weeks. Oh, joy, Oh, happy day!

As you know, I’m entirely in support of the Writers, but to be rid of those shows for a protracted period and know these deeply under-valued people don’t have to write them for a while is double the delight.

Meanwhile, “Dancing With the Stars,” which for reasons that are an implacable mystery to me, does staggeringly well in the ratings, was shot on schedule, but the Hosts were forced to ad-lib…So let me get this straight; People who claim to be talented and creative had to watch another group of people do a dance routine they’d already seen numerous times at rehearsals…and come up with their own opinion.

Oh, the humanity?!

Shooting for “Housewives” will end tomorrow as they’re already out of scripts. Shows already in the can won’t even last to Christmas, and attempts by the media to discover how ABC plans to placate the legions of ‘Housewives’ fans were referred to the company making the show.

So the Networks are not only pulling a whole list of shows early to bait the the viewers into hating the Writers, they’re even passing the buck when Reporters try to find out what those viewers can expect to endure next??

And this from the group who claim they ‘made every good faith effort to negotiate a deal.’ Do you suppose their fingers were crossed when they said that?

It gets worse; Tricky though the situation might be for anyone seeking televisual fare possessed of more creativity than a test pattern, the long-term implications almost chill the blood; Once the Writers win,…and they must…whatever deal they achieve is almost certain to be used as the game-plan by Actors and Directors when their contracts expire next June.

Think of it — the Writers might only just be back at work, and the Actors could lose faith in the same bosses and walk out…And this could start all over again.

It’s times like these I wish I had shares in Netflix.