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I’ll give you a moment to try and overcome the depression.

So far slated to appear in this televised death-wish are such stratospheric mediocrities as Omarosa, Lennox Lewis, Gene Simmons, Stephen Baldwin, Tito Ortiz, Carol Alt, Vincent Pastore, John Cena and Marilu Henner.

…If you could pick any one of them out of a 3-person line-up, I’d give you $10,000.

The one ‘Celebrity’ not so far scheduled to belittle themselves is Paris Hilton. It’s long been my contention that Ms. Hilton’s IQ would need to be surgically quadrupled before she could register as an idiot, but you have to give the poor, misguided ex-con her due; She may have the intellectual prowess of a donut, but she’s still too smart to debase herself on this show!

In a country, the breadth and scope of whose television landscape is unparalleled anywhere on Earth, is it really so hard for a truly talented person to practice their craft that so many [apparently sane] people can be persuaded to participate in a show of such unbounded bromide?

Take for example, Omarosa. This is not a celebrity. This is a person of minuscule, and so far undetermined talent who had a brief and utterly inexcusable association with notoriety via a minor Reality show hardly anyone watched.

And that was three years ago! Name three things she’s done since?

Likewise, Mr. Baldwin, while being vaguely related to people who can be regarded as possessing a modicum of celebrity, has never actually been one in person. And Mr. Lewis deserves to have secured better management and better endorsements while his sojourn with fame was still valid – Look at George Forman.

This is another sad example of American Television’s ongoing suicide pact with its creators. They produce an endless, mind-rotting carousel of shows that only people for whom oatmeal is deemed too exciting would have the slightest inclination to witness….Then they’re utterly at a loss to comprehend why people won’t watch??

How much more of this pain are we expected to endure before those who govern the Networks finally admit their blessed cash-cow of Reality has finally run dry??

For reasons that utterly escape me, ‘the Hoff’ and his cohorts are pulling an average of 12-million viewers in the crucial 18-49 demographic, according to Nielsen Media. The show is currently the most-watched prime-time series of the Summer when you count total viewers. “Comic,” averages 6.7 million viewers, and a 2.8/8 demographic rating.

And just in case you’re not quite depressed enough, NBC’s new golden boy, Ben Silverman says that yet another reality series, “The Singing Bee,” has won a place in the Fall schedules starting on September 25th. It originally had been targeted to return much later.

As my regular readers know, I hate all ‘reality’ TV with the passionate intensity of a thousand imploding suns. And that is not open to negotiation. The entire genre is a cheap, intellectually unengaging ploy to garner millions of viewers at minuscule cost, on whom can then be unleashed the entire gamut of placements, commercials and other profit-making ploys. Cheap, mindless television that spoon-feeds millions of viewers direct to the advertisers. It’s therefore no surprise that the Networks are addicted.

The most offensive example [so far] is Top Chef. Every single one of the ‘prizes’ is a product placement – Neither Bravo, nor its parent company, NBC, are paying for, or providing one single item that constitutes the prize. To me, that’s nothing less than brazen exploitation.

And this is the kind of mental chewing gum we are supposed to get so excited about being able to watch in Hi-Def??

One reality show is an offense. For the current television landscape to contain so many – most of which are imperceptible clones of each other – is evidence that those in charge of its production hold a pandemic perception of the audience that is far less than flattering. If you enjoy good TV and consider yourself to be of at least a median IQ, you owe it to yourself to resist this onslaught of insult and ignorance.

The true ‘reality’ is, the American television audience were not created simply to be exploited by the nets, to create profits to impress the Stockholders. You deserve better. But unless you make that known, it will never occur. The history of ‘reality’ TV is one of remarkably low cost and infeasible profits, and the networks will gleefully churn out this mind-rotting fare until that imbalance changes. The Fall season is already tarnished, but beyond that could be the chance of relief from this tiresome cavalcade of mind-rotting banality.

Ultimately, the Nets are slaves to their ratings. The power for change is therefore in your hands. Literally.

The choice is yours.

Not long ago, performers would be rightly mentioned in the media because of their obvious talents. Today, most ‘celebrities’ can barely form coherent sentences so the new ploy seems to be to create a negative incident then hype it incessantly, thereby gaining visibility and coverage for a ‘star’ too inept, worthless and untalented to achieve it on their own. A few current examples:

1. Clay Aiken.
The hamster-haired, former American Idol participant was [allegedly] involved in an airplane disturbance with a fellow passenger while en route to Tulsa International Airport. The female passenger has not claimed harassment, is never seen on TV, and is not [currently] suing.

…Yet, mysteriously, the story won’t die??

Could it be that Mr, Aiken’s ‘people’ are pushing this to regain visibility for a talent the nation has practically, and quite rightly forgotten? Could it be this ‘passenger’ was actually a plant? Perish the thought!…Or should we?

And while we’re on the subject, ‘Tulsa International Airport’? That’s a joke, right? You can’t get anywhere from Tulsa International Airport??…Not even to Tulsa!

2/ Miss New Jersey.
An untalented Barbie doll whose name I couldn’t be induced to remember if I were subjected to mind-altering drugs claims she’s doing nothing illegal in photos held by someone allegedly trying to blackmail her into giving up her crown.

The solution is so blindingly simple, even a a professional narcissist could grasp it: Publish them yourself and you cut the ‘blackmailer’ off at the knees. Fail to do so and you’re lying for the attention.

3/ The Apprentice.
As you all know, I detest the entire ‘Reality’ genre with a passion that defies measurement. When half your contestants are Actors, every word is scripted and the repugnant result is merely an endless swarm of product placements designed to exploit the viewers and enrich the Producers, you have very little claim to ‘reality.’ And this show was one of the most repulsive examples.

My guess is the ratings were collapsing so a patronizing solution was concocted: Step 1: Announce an acrimonious ‘cancellation’. Step 2: Bathe in the attention for a few weeks. Step 3: Announce that due to ‘huge public demand’ [which there wasn't,] the show has been ‘miraculously’ saved [which was always the plan].

Result? The ratings revive and you get to place more products and make more money…All without the tiresome inconvenience of forming a new idea.

And there are more examples of this manipulation than anyone should be induced to imagine. Which only serves to add more urgency to a simple question:

Given that the objective is to get attention, when will these sad egocentrics ever realize they’d have more success by treating us as intelligent adults?

Most of the Journalists presented with this condescending missive felt rightly insulted, and refused to sign. Then the back-peddling began. First her ‘people’ claimed it was a simple misunderstanding. Then we were told the agreement was written by a Lawyer and the ‘star’ had no knowledge of it.

As anyone in this business will tell you, there’s no realistic possibility that such an agreement could be drafted, decided and issued without the party concerned being in the loop. So that’s not true either.

This is not about a lack of knowledge, it’s yet another regrettable example of modern celebrity’s petulant unwillingness to accept responsibility. In the case of Ms. Jolie, if your ‘people’ issue a document that is a consummate insult to the profession whose members are primarily responsible for assisting you to achieve the privileged position you currently enjoy, the responsibility ultimately is yours. If ‘people’ are hired by you and paid by you, the buck ultimately stops with you. In fact, every time you step in front of a camera, several million bucks stop with you.

And distasteful though it may sometimes be to concede, so does the blame.

The mark of true greatness is to be known across the World by one name; Garbo, Brando, Elvis… And the atonal, drool-flecked non-entity who wins this irrelevant freakshow will soon join this illustrious crowd…

By Christmas they’ll be known to every sentient being on the planet as, “Who??”